your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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