i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
