Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
