Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My boob is missing a layer of skin
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize