I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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