As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
