shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
