It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
