I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
this is an emotional support booty call
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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