I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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