so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just invented taco cereal.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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