how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
