A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Someone signed my nipple.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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