I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
