Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
