I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Success! We fucked roommates!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize