Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
