Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You made out with two different species that night
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
