I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
