apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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