Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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