Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
