what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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