I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I checked into jail on foursquare
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
