3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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