there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
