I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
