We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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