before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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