will power is for people who don't want to get laid
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
should my penis look like a turkey
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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