I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I FOUND THE LEGS
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
