Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
