I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
