conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
