so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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