Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
