i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
