I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
