Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
