Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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