ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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