I am in a vortex of obligation.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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