I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
