Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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