you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
