Barsexuality is the new black.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
