I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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