we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
