I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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