I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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