Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We need to rekindle our bromance
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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