I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize