Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
