You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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