do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
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