worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I supernannyed him into submission
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
