i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
