I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
