I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
