If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
