I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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