Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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