i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
