I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She said her name was "party"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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