watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
