In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize