Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
