she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
