no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
