Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
