Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he was CRYING into my vagina
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
