We're facebook friends in real life
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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