I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
