i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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