Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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