Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
