happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
