Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
