I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
