wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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