So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
