no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
