the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
