so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
