it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
