think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
