Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i would punch a child for taco bell
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
