i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize