HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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