So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
