He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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