I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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