She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
