Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
