He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
