can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
