and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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