i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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