I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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